The Scary Connection Between Domestic Violence and Pornography

Since Halloween recently passed, and this month is Fight The New Drug's yearly "No Porn November" challenge, I thought it was appropriate to write this post. Discussing pornography is always avoided, because it's such a hot topic. Many people are okay with pornography, many people are not. You never know who is on what side for porn. This is a topic I felt obligated to write about, as the issue of domestic violence and the issue of pornography are often discussed on this blog. The connection between porn consumption and domestic violence isn't only scary, it's real life. 

There are many disgusting acts that pornography normalizes. Rape, child abuse, incest, human trafficking. It may not surprise you that domestic violence is another act that is normalized in pornography. Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Pornography gives different views of men versus women. Men are seen as dominant and aggressive towards their female partners. Men are not men if they don't physically harm their partner. Women, on the other hand, are seen as easy to please and love to be abused or injured during sex. They're objects meant for pleasure.

One study found that on popular porn websites that "more than 1 in every 3 porn videos depicts sexual violence or aggression." "A common feature of contemporary porn videos is painful anal penetration as well as brutal gang rape and men slapping or choking women or pulling their hair while they penetrate them orally, vaginally, and anally," writes Walter DeKeseredy, Ph.D., and Rus Ervin Funk, MSW, CSE.

Pornography desensitizes. Instead of having the inhibitions to know right from wrong, pornography takes that away. It warps your mind into thinking these actions are normal. If you saw a woman being raped on the street, no normal person would sit back and allow it to continue. Why does this change when it comes to porn? However, according several researched articles, there is an indication that someone who consumes porn is "more likely to sexually objectify and dehumanize others, more likely to express an intent to rape, less likely to intervene during a sexual assault, more likely to victim-blame survivors of sexual assault, more likely to support violence against women, more likely to forward sexts without consent, and more likely to commit actual acts of sexual violence." WOW. Your mind cannot tell you what is right or wrong anymore once you're desensitizeddesensitized. 

It isn't only pornography that normalizes these things. Let's not forget the series, Fifty Shades of Grey, that pushed the idea that women can change an abusive partner. That's not a realistic view for women. This never happens. Majority of music pushes the normalization of rape or abuse of women. The issue doesn't only lie with pornography, although it is a larger part of the problem. 

So why does this matter? How does this impact anyone? Because porn consumption is affecting our youth. Many teenagers and even children are getting their sexual education from porn. Majority of porn videos contain some form of aggression, either physical (i.e. spanking, gagging) or verbal (name-calling). Common themes in violent porn videos include brutal gang rape or choking a partner. Men are the majority of perpetrators, while women were seen enjoying these acts. THIS is what your children is being taught. Boys are taught that violently assaulting violently assaulting (even raping) a woman is normal, while girls are taught that these acts committed to them is acceptable. And don't be fooled: this is happening. One perfect example was Billie Eilish, who started watching porn at 11 years old, and it affected how she perceived relationships with men. "The first few times I had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good; it was because I thought that's what I was supposed to be attracted to," Billie shared in an interview with Howard Stern. 

If we don't stand up for the next generation, then who will?

Do not be fooled. Pornography does have a connection to domestic violencedomestic violence. It is normalized and very popular on porn sites. Porn is not a substitute for sex, and it certainly isn't a form of education. We cannot stay silent on this. Please join me in education friends and family on the dangers of porn this month. Fight for love.